the word NO means no!!

Ok so today i went and finished my christmas shopping, i went with my mum & dad. My mum has been having money problems at the moment so my dad has been offering to pay for everyting.
So all day i have had to listen to them arguing. It upsetting but annoying at the same time. It makes me sad to know that my mum still loves him and he's just well trying to buy us with his money, everytime i get upset he says i'll buy u something to cheer you up. i don't want anything bought for me, i ust want things to be back to normal. i want my family back, when everyone was talking. I want MY life back, back when i didn't worry about whether i put a pound on or not. I want to live away from here. i hate living here. And most of all want to go to a different school, i'm fed up of getting bullied.


1- yes mum i still binge and purge! I'm sorry for throwing all the food you cooked for me, and sorry for lying to you all the time.

2- i self harm. It makes me feel a bit happier, for about 10 minutes then i do it again.

3- i hate going out with my family and friends- i just want to stay in my room, doing my own thing, excercising or something like that, i don't want to go out!!

4- I don't want to eat. I will get fat if i eat, stop telling me to do so. You don't understand. You will never understand. Please stop telling me to eat, it will not help me!!!

5- i don't want to live anymore

6- i hate my dad.

7- i want to cry, all the time. I feel sad, i just can't be bothered anymore!!!

8- I'm sorry for runnig away all the time, but i need some space from you.

9 to ana and mia- your my friends, but my enemy at the same time, i hate you but love you, i like as you make me that bit closer to being thin, i hate you as you make me faint, purge, weak, upset and cough up blood but its worth it for making me lose weight quicker then any diet can.

10- i hate my best friend- shes thinner, prettier and has the best boyfriend ever. How can i hate you?? But i do, i can't help it.

11- I NEED HELP MUM!!!! I know i'm a pain the arse but i need you and your never there your just drinking, so you never notice when i've been crying, cutting or purging, binging.

12- Mum i stole money from you for food to have a binge, and i'm sorry i blamed it on you being drunk and forgetting where you put it, it was me!!
Yes mum your perfect daughter is fucked up, she has got anorexia and bulimia even if you don't want to beleive it, you have 2. I love you but i hate you more, 1 for making me grow up with all the shit that you did!!!!!



Sorry in a bad mood today x x x x